The Losing Battle

One of my biggest problems when it comes to writing is that I want to get it "just right" the first time around. Even now, as I write this post, my brain is fighting itself--half is telling me what to write, while the other half is telling me to go back and fix things. While this fighting is going on, I am finding it harder and harder to remember what it was that I wanted to write in the first place. That is probably why it takes me three days to write a page!

This battle in my head makes it difficult to let in the creativity that is lurking in the doorway. It halts any advance it tries to make as if fending it off with a sword until it runs away screaming. I want, in the worst way, to just let the ideas flow and type them out as they come. But no! My perfectionist brain wants to make sure that all is perfect before moving on. Did I spell anything wrong? Did I choose just the right word? Did I place that sentence in the correct place or would it be better someplace else, maybe two sentences ago? STOP! Just write--I tell myself. That is what editing, re-writing, and revising is all about!

Am I the only one who has this battle going on or are there others? If so, who wins? Or better yet--how do I make the two sides of my brain kiss and make up? Help.

A Letter from Lily

May 23, 2011

Hello,

     Do you know LM DeWalt? If so, would you give her a message for me? I'd tell her myself but I don't know where she is or what she's doing. If you see her, please ask her not to leave me alone for too long because even a day is too much to handle.
     I understand that she has other responsibilities. I know how hectic life can get. She has a family and those private students she sees once a week (I'm not jealous or anything). She goes to college and I totally understand how demanding that can be, having been to college a few times myself. I also understand that she goes to Gettysburg quite often with her husband (again- not jealous, but she could take me with her once in a while). What I don't understand is how she can leave me at the worst of times. I know, I'm a vampire and I'm supposed to have an endless supply of energy and all, but I do get bored.
     One time, she left me dancing for days. That can get really old, especially when it's the same song playing over and over and over! Even a vampire's feet can get sore, since she expects me to dance in heels (just because she can't dance in flats)! I won't mention all the times she left me alone in book one (way too many to list). Book two was flowing along quite nicely, until two days ago. I don't know if it's school keeping her away or something else, but I'm dying here, literally! She just left me bleeding all over the place. Fiore, from what I hear, is getting sick of mopping up all the blood and, unless my trusty (and absent) author comes back soon, the blood won't stop. I doubt she wants to deal with Fiore's temper then. Believe me, sometimes I don't mind a break from all the trouble she puts me through (I don't hold her personally responsible- sometimes) but why now? I'm in Lima, Peru and I have lots of sightseeing to do.
     So please, be a friend and pass along the message for me. Maybe you have her email address or her cell number (she never gave them to me) and can get in touch with her. Tell her I'm getting sick of waiting and feeling very useless just laying around bleeding to death.

Thank you,
Lily Townsend

P.S. If you know what she's doing, please fill me in. I won't tell her you told me.

Where do I write? I'll tell you.

     I have heard that question a few times so I decided to finally answer it. Some authors write in a home office. I have one. I don't write there. It feels too much like work in that room. Some authors write in a coffee shop. I've tried that too, but I'm a big people watcher and that's just too distracting for me. So where do I write?
     The dining room is a good place-- sometimes. Other times, it's too distracting because of all the video game playing going on in the living room. You know how much yelling that involves! My favorite place to write is in the bedroom. What is my bedroom like? I could tell you that it's a cozy room, complete with flowers and candles, but that would be a lie (though I do have candles and flowers- oh, wait, they're dead). It is probably the messiest room in the house and I love it, most days. At the moment, I am sitting on the bed (with no sheets because they are in the dryer) with my computer on my lap where it belongs. On my husband's side of the bed, there are four piles of my summer clothes that are too lazy to walk themselves into the closet, even though I left the door open for them. On top and in front of my vanity table are piles of college books that refuse to walk down the hall and move into the office (guess I have to do that too!). On the left is my nightstand. That contains the usual alarm clock, cup of coffee, pen, glass of iced tea from last night (yup, still good), and my trusty "wake up with an idea and write in this little notebook so I can go back to sleep so I might as well type it up anyway" notebook.
     I'm not sure I even want to get into what is on the floor except that there's a bottle of Ginger Ale from when I had the flu (probably won't try that one) and my stuffed penguin that is face down on the carpet. Sounds like a disaster, right? Yet, I love it here. The cat loves it here. My husband doesn't complain (except for maybe when I am looking for a specific shirt out of hundreds and can't figure out which pile it's in). I'm comfortable here and so are my characters. They don't seem to visit me as much anywhere else.
     Where do you write? If you don't write, where do you read?
    

The Hardest Job

I have had many jobs in my life.  I've been a game attendant at an amusement park, a bartender, a nurses' aide, a cargo attendant for an airline, a teacher, an assistant teacher at a daycare, among other things that I try not to remember, yet, the hardest job, and the one I love most, is being a writer. In my other jobs, I always had someone telling me what to do and when to do it. Even as a teacher, I had a curriculum to follow and certain goals that needed to be met by a certain time. What I find the hardest about being a writer is, that even though it is my only job right now, I am not a very good boss.

"Laura, sit down and finish that chapter you started last night!"
"Yeah, but ... I have homework due three days from now that I should at least think about."

"Laura, did you come up with a title for the next book yet?"
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking ..."

See?

I quit my day job because it left me no time to write.  After changing countless diapers, breaking up squabbles from one year olds, driving the kids to work, teaching private classes, and doing homework, I fell asleep. Besides, I'm more creative at night so be quiet and wait (oops, sorry, arguing with myself again). 

The point is, writing is the hardest job I've ever had but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love to see the smiles, or the tears, on peoples' faces when they are reading what I wrote. I love to make people feel things, even though making people feel things with just the written word is REALLY hard!  So, with all else aside, besides my family and college, I am at it again and I couldn't be happier. Now if I could just listen to myself and write when I'm supposed to it might like me more as a boss. I'll work on that. I will also keep working on this BLOG thing. It's a promise! 

While They Sleep

I'd like to share a short piece that I wrote a while back. While teaching last year, I ran a creative writing group and we put together a magazine of the students' writing to share with the whole school. This was my contribution to it. I hope you enjoy it!

While They Sleep

     Sitting in the dark while the house sleeps, its even breaths and snores like a rhythm in my ears, with only the light of a computer screen, I let my fingers carry me to distant places. I let them take me to places with colorful flowers and sparkling waterfalls. Places where I can be the princess and I don't have to kiss a frog if I don't want to! They take me to places that are dark and barren and with my sword I slay fire breathing dragons and creatures with three eyes, whose names haven't yet been tapped out on the keyboard. I run through crowded streets where I smell spices and sand pelts my face so I have to close my eyes but that's ok because I can see with my fingertips as I chase the school of fish that is running on fins with ten toes. I am lost in a land where shelves upon shelves surround me and the books sit on them while they watch me and whisper to each other.

     "Do we know her, Alice?" asks a rabbit wearing a huge hat.

     "I don't think so but maybe Tom does. Can you see him? He's so small," answers the girl with the long blonde hair as a boy, as small as my thumb, peeks out from the pages of his dusty book.

     I can go where the Incas ruled, high above the clouds, and chase away the gold-hungry men with the funny hats because I'm not dizzy and my head isn't light. I trained for it with a little green man with long pointy ears and backward speech. Train me he did! In a land that I reach by walking through a wrinkle in the horizon, I rescue the prince and he asks me to stay but I say, “Not now because I have to sleep but I'll be back tomorrow.” So he tells me he'll leave the wrinkle be until he sees me again but he gives me a pebble to show the guard at the gate upon my return.

     So now that it's late and I must sleep, I close the computer and rest my head. I let my dreams take the place of the keys under my fingers as I clutch the pebble tightly in my hand and sleep.

Every Intention

     This past weekend, I had every intention of sitting down at my computer, with my Ipod, and writing. I am supposed to be working on book 2 of The Quest for Reason series. On my way home from a student's house on Satrday morning, my characters and their predicaments were running through my head. The music in the CD player in the car, which is the same music I need to write, was inspiring new things, as it always does. When I reached home, however, my whole mood changed. My husband was on call this past weekend and I decided to grab my eReader and ride along with him. That's something I used to do in the past but now that life is so hectic I rarely do it. So when the opportunity was there, I grabbed it.
     After hours of emergency-drain-problem calls, he finally had some down time and we ended up looking around in different stores, just like we used to in the past. Though I wasn't at home writing, like I had originally planned, I realized my characters were still with me (or in my head, anyway). It's funny how much they seem to be a part of my life. Seeing an outfit and thinking to myself that it's something Kalia would like or maybe Lily, or Fiore, makes me laugh. I often wonder if it's just me or if other writers experience the same thing.
     By the time we finally got home Saturday night and I went to my room to sit at my computer, I made the mistake of turning the TV on and I found all kinds of shows on about 9/11. I say it's a mistake because I was distracted from my original objective. After sitting there watching these shows, with a pile of tissues in my hand, all creativity left me.
     Sunday was spent on homework and lesson planning so no writing that day either. I promised myself that tonight (Monday) I would write and that's exactly what I'm going to do, especially sinceI saw the guy at work today, the one that comes to pick up his children, the one that looks exactly like my description of Aaron in Lily. I was shocked when I first saw him three weeks ago but needless to say, seeing him inspired some new ideas and reminded me just how much I miss my characters.

Now available ~ Lily by L M DeWalt

Lily, the first novel in The Quest for Reason series by L M DeWalt has been published by ireadiwrite publishing! You can get you copy today at any of the following ~ www.ireadiwrite.com ~ www.amazon.com ~ www.omnilit.com ~ www.smashwords.com ~ www.allromancebooks.com ~ www.booksonboard.com
Lily is available in both English & Spanish!

Enjoy!